My life, before the journey
by callieco1174
Summary: I little Goku fic I wrote while on the way home. It's a songfic to Switchfoot's Redemption, and I thought it appropriate to write. Please R


Story by: Chi-chan

Song: Redemption by Switchfoot

Just a little something I wrote after listening to the song about 10 million times. I really like how it turned out, and well...I hope you do too.

I do now own Saiyuki or the Song Redemption, but the story is mine and mine alone.

**Welcome to the planet**

I never knew much about my birth. There were always stories: they always said that I was born where the rocks meet the heavens. Everyone I knew said that. I was a living legend. If that was true, why, why was I stuck in here?

**Welcome to existence**

I just appeared one day, according to the stories. The energy gathered, and gathered, and gathered, and then there was me. I wanted people to view me as more than a thing. I really did. I even did things that nobody normal would do, just so someone would love me, and see me as more than just 'The Great Sage equal to Heaven, Son Goku'

**Everyone's here**

They put me here a long time ago. I don't even know why. Nobody bothered telling me. The gods just stuck me here, in this prison, where nothing changed and nothing happened. I didn't know why I deserved this punishment; I really couldn't remember doing anything bad.

**Everyone's here**

Nobody came here. Not even the animals. I had to pretend to be around people: imagine the people. I had to imagine everything. I had nothing. No food, no friends, no pets, no games, no love. I had nothing, gave nothing, received nothing.

**Everybody's watching you now**

People would walk in front of the stone cage I was in. Sometimes one would notice me, and point me out. I would look down and imagine what they would say if I could talk to them. How would they talk? Would they be my friends? Could we play and have fun?

**Everybody waits for you now**

Soon the people stopped seeing me. I would yell and scream when anybody walked by, but nobody would look up. All I wanted was for someone to see me. To look, and point at me again. Nobody looked, nobody saw, everybody forgot, forgot me.

**What happens next?**

I didn't know what to do. Without people to even look at me, I was fully and wholly alone. The imaginary people had all left, and I couldn't make them come back. I would sit in a corner for days, staring at nothing, trying to find a way out. Whether it snowed, rained, or was sunny, nothing could help me. The depression set in and gripped me full force.

**What happens next?**

I would hurt myself. I would look for the blood, the bruises, the pain. Anything to make sure I was still alive. I couldn't help it. This was worse than death, because I couldn't kill myself, and I wasn't dying. So, I would hurt myself, to show the world that I was alive and I knew it.

**I dare you to move**

I would pick myself up every time, to make sure I wasn't really dead this time. Every time I picked myself up, I would make a mark, to show another day of life; another day that I prevailed against the depression. It wouldn't leave, and I wanted it to. But it wouldn't

**I dare you to move**

Days moved into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. I lost count of how long I stayed in my stone cage; forgot the days, weeks, what the year was. My marks soon covered an entire wall, and started on a second. I lived for nothing but to show that I was beating death.

**I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor**

I looked out the bars of the cage one day, and there was a bird there. I stared at it, wondering what it was going to do. If it was really there. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand was through the bars, and I was reaching for the bird. I couldn't help it. It was the first living thing that had looked at me for who knows how long.

**I dare you to move**

I looked to that bird to help save me. It came every day, and just sat there, looking. I looked at it too, but in a different way. That bird is what must have kept me from losing my mind back then. All it did was look at me, but that little bird gave me hope, something I never expected to get back.

**I dare you to move, like today never happened**

One day, it all ended. I woke that day to see that little bird dead outside of the stone walls. I didn't know it at first. I reached out and touched the bird. Its body was cold, and hard as the stone that surrounded me. That's when I knew. My symbol of hope, my little bird was dead.

**Today never happened before**

The tears came all on their own. Before I knew what was happening, there was wetness on my face. The tears flowed, and I realized that I was crying. For something, not for myself, and the sorrow was powerful, so powerful. I cried out, not caring if anybody heard me or now. I cried for that little bird, cried for myself; cried out all of my sorrow, all my depression.

**Welcome to the fallout**

Somebody must have heard me that day, because later, a boy came up the wall, looking for something. He took one look at me, and turned right back around. I wished he would stay, but couldn't say a word. The sorrow in my heart was still too raw.

**Welcome to resistance**

Many more people came to look at me. They just came and looked, then left. I had turned into an exhibit. They made a walking path on the side of the mountain, so anybody could come to gawk at me, the little boy stuck in the stone cage. Nobody would speak to me, but just seeing them gave me strength to keep going.

**The tension is here**

I didn't hurt myself anymore. What would the people say if they saw me bloody and covered in bruises? They already treated me like an animal on exhibit. They would probably have me put down. Then I would be dead and chained into a cage for eternity. Being chained and alive was enough for me now.

**The tension is here**

I couldn't help but being to imagine he people again. The questions came back again. Who were the people? How would they talk? Would they be my friends? Could we play and have fun? There were children who came, and they looked like they would like to talk to me. Any time one tried, they would be shushed. Again I wondered: had I done something wrong?

**Between who you are and who you could be**

I was back to ignoring the people. They all came to look, and they wouldn't talk to me, so there was no point in hoping. I would ignore them, and sit in a corner, looking out at the sunshine. I missed it. I don't know when I had ever been in it, but I longed for the sunshine; wanted to touch it, feel it's warmth.

**Between how it is and how it should be**

I finally decided that I didn't belong in this cage. I wasn't any different from the people out there, so why was I in here? I deserved to be free, to live, to run, to breath. I wished for the first time that someone would talk to me. I wanted to know what it was like out there. I wished to learn about the outside world.

**I dare you to move**

Then the boys came. There were four of them, and they hiked up the path just like anyone else. They looked at me, and laughed. I stared at them in surprise. They were the first ones to make any sort of noise in front of me.

"Hey, Monkey-boy, watcha do to get locked up in there?" one asked me.

"What?" I asked, more surprised that they were talking to me than by the question.

**I dare you to move**

"The legends say that you've been in there for over five hundred years. What did you do that got you locked up?" he asked again.

"Well…I…I don't know. I can only remember being in here," I answered, unsure of what they meant.

"Oh look, Son Goku, the Great Sage equal to Heaven can't remember what happened to him. He's probably just an idiot," another boy muttered.

"Maybe he's going senile. He is over five hundred year old," the first boy said again. "Hey, Great Sage, share some of your great wisdom with us."

**I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor**

For the first time, I didn't care about being out with the people. These boys were taunting me, and I was angry. Without thinking, I threw myself at the bars of the cage, trying to get to them. The stupid rock was blocking me, and I couldn't reach them. This caused them to laugh again.

"Oh no, I think you've made the Great Monkey mad."

**I dare you to move**

I continued to try and reach the boys, my arms stretching and straining outwards. They continued to make rude comments and jeers from out of my arms reach. Finally, one picked up a rock. He looked it over, tested it weight, then smiled as he looked at me. Then he threw it.

**I dare you to move, like today never happened**

The rock hit me on the side of the head. It hurt. Nothing like the times I was hurting myself to prove I was alive. This was true pain. I let out a howl, as inhuman as it was instinctual. The boys stared.

"He's scaring me. C'mon, let's leave." The boys walked away, not even checking to see if I was okay. I pressed a hand to the side of my head, to check the wound, and to stop the bleeding. That night I sat against the wall and thought about people. Maybe freedom was knowing where you belong and being loved, not just being out of your cage.

**Today never happened**

I had another visitor the next day. I ignored him, still upset at the people for hurting me. I didn't even know what the person what, whether he was human of yokai. He just stood there and stared at me while I stared at the ground. Then he spoke

**Maybe redemption is stories to tell**

"Shut up."

**Maybe forgiveness is right were you fell**

I looked up at him. 'He' turned out to be a monk, a few years older than me. His hair was blonde, his eyes violet. In the back of my mind, something stirred. I didn't recognize him, but something said that he was familiar.

"You're the one who's been calling me, aren't you?" he asked me again.

"I haven't been calling anyone," I answered, without thinking.

"Don't lie. I've been hearing you for a few years," he said, looking right into my eyes. His stare was unnerving, but somewhat gentle at the same time.

**Where can you run to escape from yourself?**

"I don't know what you're talking about," I answered truthfully.

He sighed. Then held out a hand to me.

"I'd better learn to live with it, because we're going to be together for a while," he said. I slowly held out my hand towards his, and even more carefully took it. As soon as my hands met his, the chains holding me down dissolved.

**Where you gonna go?**

I stared at my wrist, at the actual wrist. It had been hidden as long as I knew, by the manacle that held me in this cage.

"What are you waiting for? Come on," the monk said again. He let go of my hand and started to walk away. I ran to the cage door, and pushed it open. I ran after him, catching up. I had my freedom, and that was what mattered right now.

**Where you gonna go?**

At the bottom of the path the monk suddenly stopped. I stopped too, afraid that he might decide to send me back. Instead he began to walk around me, looking me over.

"Where are your clothes?" he asked suddenly. I looked down at myself, wondering what he meant.

"These are my clothes, sir," I answered. What I was wearing was all that I had when I first remembered being in the cave.

"Stay here," he said, walking off. I obediently sat on a rock and waited for my savior to return.

**Salvation is here**

The monk returned about an hour later. He was carrying a bundle, which proved to hold clothes, scissors, and some sort of filing board.

"Put these on. I'll cut your hair when you're done," he said. I looked at the clothes, then started to put them on.

"Faster, we don't have all day," he said. I scrambled into my clothes as fast as I could. Then I had to file my nails while the monk cut my hair.

"Good, you now look somewhat civilized," he said, looking me over again.

"Um…Mr. Monk-sir, th-thank you for all this," I said quickly, before I forgot. The monk twitched, then before I knew what had happened, something had hit me over the head.

"I'm a priest monkey! My name is Genjyo Sanzo, remember it," he said, glaring at me. H was holding a paper fan, most probably the offending item.

"I'm Son Goku," I said, seeing as it was the only really appropriate thing to say a the time.

"Yes, I know," he said, getting up. "Let's get going. There's an inn in the town and I do not want to sleep in the dirt."

**I dare you to move**

I thought over my options as the monk-NO Sanzo, Sanzo!- walked off. Wilderness, alone or town, with Sanzo. I picked the second one, obviously. I followed Sanzo into the town, and looked around. There were so many people here, and none of them seemed to recognize me. They all greeted Sanzo very courteously, and nodded at me as his companion. I tried to be polite, and the townsfolk all smiled at me. I liked being appreciated, and I was truly happy for the first time in my life. Until I saw the four boys from the previous day.

**I dare you to move**

"Sanzo, I have to go do something," I said, tugging on one of his sleeves. He looked at me, then closed his eyes.

"Make it quick monkey," he finally said. "See the red building? That's the inn. I'll be waiting there." I nodded and trotted towards the boys. They didn't see me until I was practically breathing down their throats.

"Excuse me," I said as politely as I could. "Could you come with me? I want to show you something." The four unsuspecting boys shrugged and followed me as I led them to the most secluded area that I could find. When I felt it was safe, I turned towards them.

**I dare you to lift yourself, to lift yourself up off the floor**

Then, without any warning, I began to beat them up. Everything that I couldn't do yesterday, I did now. Of course, I didn't do anything drastic, like breaking bones, I just gave them a good beating. When we were done they had cuts and bruises galore.

"That was for yesterday," I said. The boys stared at me, then realization dawned on one of them.

"You're Son Goku! How did you get out?" he asked. I decided not to answer him, and instead walked away without a word.

**I dare you to move**

It felt good to finally avenge myself. I was tired of always sitting and not being able to do anything. This time was different. It would be different from now on. I wouldn't let people walk all over me because I was caged up and they weren't. I had broken free, and I intended to use that to my advantage.

**I dare you to move, like today never happened**

"Did you get done what you had to do?" Sanzo asked as I walked into the room. I smiled and nodded. He didn't pry, but just left it at that. I looked around the room. It was bigger than the cage had been. There were also two squares in it. I sat down on one of them, the one Sanzo wasn't on. It was soft and heavenly, and I wished that something this soft had been with me in the cage.

"Hey Sanzo?" I asked. "Where do I sleep?"

"On the bed," he answered. He stuck something in his mouth and lit the end of it on fire.

"Sanzo," I said again. "What's a bed?" He looked at me and put his head in his hands.

**Today never happened**

I slept better that night than I had all those nights of being in the cage. The bed turned out to be the square I had sat on, and sleeping in it had been almost as sweet as beating up those boys had been. I had trouble getting up the next morning, but a threat of the fan from Sanzo got me up. Then we went down to breakfast. And food. I hadn't had any food for five hundred years, and eating was so nice that I didn't want to stop. I ate and ate and ate, until I was finally full. When I looked up from the last plate, the entire room was staring at me. I carefully put the bowl down and looked at Sanzo. I couldn't find him, and I really did look all over. Until finally.

"Monkey, come on." Sanzo stood by the door and glared at me.

**Today never happened **

"You are coming with me, right," he asked, somewhat annoyed. I looked at him in surprise, then my expression must have changed to an ecstatic one.

**Today never happened before**

"Yeah."


End file.
